is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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