i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
