i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
