He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
