Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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