I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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