A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
