You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
