yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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