You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
