When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
