PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
