Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
