i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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