I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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