Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
