She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
