ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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