week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
