When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
