Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
