So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
