we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
