he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
