btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
