Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
