Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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