I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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