oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
