I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
