I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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