this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
