Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
