I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
