I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
