just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
