my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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