I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
