that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
