i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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