I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
