one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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