i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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