would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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