so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
