I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
