I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
