We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
