Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
