when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
