Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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