Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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