Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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