We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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