I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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