I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
