I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
do nipples grow back?
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