I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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