No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
