I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
